It’s just me.

Recollection

2005 blasted off with a new year’s countdown cum celebration with a group of friends. For a moment, I was flooded with greetings and well wishes. And it did turn out a pretty impactful year.

It was a whole new experience of campus life. Totally different school culture, where skipping lessons become unofficially legal, to everyone. How those bananas-half-dyed-in-iodine would always gather and make for the run. How lesson times ended up playing mah jong and loitering everywhere except the class room or LT, or the college even.

All the unforgettables. Orientation. My angel and our letter exchanges. The valentine gifts. Xia Wen. These were the memorable times in TPJC.

I should count myself very fortunate to have a cool gang of friends. The 4/6 family. All the gatherings and outings. It’s encouraging to always know, especially when you’re all alone out there in the world, that you have a medium to feel safe and secure. Thanks for everything.

Result day. I’m bound for NYJC. New environment. New friends. Nothing seems truthful. The pragmatic and competitive air still linger. I’m not bad either, having made it till the end of the year, getting ready for the next and final. That was the decision I’ve made in Feb and I never regretted, having come to know you.

Okie. This entry isn’t that long after all. Perhaps the rest shall be put away in the treasury of my deepest thoughts. Well it’s the new year again. Couldn’t make it for the countdown at Esplanade cos cuzzies had come over..!! Next year bah…

Anyway, happy 2006 to all =D

I bought it, anyhow. It had been in my bag. Guessed you’ll be there. Then God bestowed a golden opportunity on me. It was an ideal situation to hand the christmas gift intended for you. But I hadn’t got the courage to approach. I thought I should’ve waited for you than to leave you alone there in the room, but I decided not, and I regretted. Really.

Quitted Badminton. Hah. You bet, NPCC trainings are a lot tougher than what you get at the court. It’s just that the stress a beginner like me gets among the seasoned players and demanding coach was just too much. I see no future in there. Will be having my passion for cca instead.

Aunt brought us to bowl this afternoon. It’s amazing, how I scored 4 strikes and 2 spares in a game, hitting a record 140 points, when I performed so terribly in front of you, then, at the chalet. Still finding the defining style though. Aim: 200

There they came, with custom made shoes and balls. What big shots, I thought initially… until I saw how good they can really play.

Low self-confidence is part of my pesonality since young. It’s high time I change.

!Feliz Navidad!

It started off with a crazy enough idea to make a christmas tree. And it took me two whole nights constructing it. You can’t possibly expect good handicraft out of sleepy brains can you? I think I should promise never to do that again.

It’s 5.30am of christmas eve when I turned in to refuel for an appointment at 10.30am. Met up with Kav before we headed for bugis to do a last minute christmas shopping.

Two guys shopping for hot pants!!? We had a hard time deciding on one for his girl. The initial list was short and it had certainly grown longer, and longer still as we went along– for dads, for mums, for sis, for girl’s mum, for us. So let’s see. Sis’s just gotten a new HP so a strap should be top on her to-have list. Dad’s complaining about aches. He’ll have a neck & shoulder rub. We both agreed on mascaras for our mommies, since there was this free giftS promotion going on at The Body Shop; Mom earned an eye shadow and his girl’s mom got a lip gloss at no cost on our budgets.

Just like the last, we had an instant gift exchange between ourselves. This real kewl wallet was eyed on and decided upon. He paid for it. I have it. At the Edge, He fancied an NY neck chain so I threw the bucks. “Merry christmas!”

We never miss chicks ogling on our outings, Kav and I. And considering the extent we do.. hahaz. Our eyes are always on the hunt and on constant interaction if ever there’s a catch, wherever, whenever, even the girl over the counter. As the saying goes buddies you fu tong xiang, hence we go “eh the one over there…” or, “the one in…”. Nevermind the descriptive words like chio, in order to understand one another. We know us too well.. right!? While we admire the beautiful, we never forget the fair share of teasing jokes for the rest. HAHA. Yea, it’s a cruel thing to do but you see, we just can’t help it.

Christmas celebration was spent with a bunch of sec. sch folks at Fish & Co. Okies! Lame jokes, as always..! How fishes go blu blu blu instead of green green green.. or pink pink pink. LOL.

Off they went to the next destination after the meal, but I’ve to rush home, for the next gift santa’s prepared for me. We were heading for JB that afternoon, for a pre-wedding banquet of a distant relative, the side of my family tree I never know existed. They happened to be the descendents of my grand uncle, cousins of my father. So it was actually a wedding of my cousin. Okie fine, I don’t even know his/her name. Let alone having seen his/her face. It’s intriguing, the things I come to know there, a revelation even.

Perhaps we can have a little lesson on my daddy’s side of the family tree. Brother and sister was entitled different national citizenship after 1965. Brother later went on to produce 12 children, while sis produced 10. We’d gone international too. Maylasia, Singapore, Japan, Hong Kong, Australia(?). France should be up next. Haha! It’s so kewl to know I’ve got a Japanese as my cousin, who can’t really comprehand chinese and none of english. Can you imagine? We’re cuzzies yet we’ve such great differences! I felt a kind of closeness with these people there though ALL are unfamiliar faces. That’s kinship I suppose. It runs in the blood.

Then a group of christian kids of varying ages came along to the residence for caroling. It’s the first time I’ve seen one.

Now I could feel christmas, the joy of giving, of sharing, of being together.

It’s been a wonderful christmas. Thank you, Santa.. =)

I was amending an error of an MSN nick. It should’ve been “…these five words I swear to you…” instead of some other combinations. Lyrics of one of my favs from Bon Jovi. A song I know all too well. A song.. that’s got too attached. Nevermind. It’s over, isn’t it?

Previously, I was chatting with a friend in the midst of gaming–maple story.. hahaz. Wonder how but we went on sharing my disney experience from a topic that’s more than a 360 degree worth of irrelevance.

Disneyland, LA, CA. It’s a place I spent three days in awe and amusement and surprises and joy. A magical wonderland that’s more than a themepark, at least for the me seven years ago. It was probably around this time of the year when I went, the Christmas season. Vivid images still live fresh in my memory…

The rides, the hugs from disney characters I foolishly think are real, and the times, of course. I could still recall especially clearly that particular evening, when dad and I (were there others around?) were sitting on a bench near the statue of Fantasia eating our churos (if I haven’t got the name wrong). How strange, the fact that an insignificant account like this can outlast the many other worthy experiences. Perhaps it was something special from this very simple act that so affected me subconsciously. Dad-Son’s chemistry.. hahaz.

Have you any idea that I’m fond of you? Do you know you’re the she I’m always mentioning, whenever I’m? Well I hope you do. But your actions don’t seem to go parallel with my interpretations. Like I’ve said, I can’t bear guessing games for long. Can you at least hint me of your approval or rejection? I have to admit sometimes I feel unconfident of our possible relationship over the next year, since we’ll be in a rather awkard position, since.. we’re in the same class.

But I thought I should relieve myself of this emotional strain. I can’t keep it anymore. I really have the urge to say it now. Anytime. Can I?

The growth of wisdom tooth is meant for a painful experience in a lifetime. It isn’t a searing kind of pain. But the constant reminder of having a resulting sore in the buccal cavity at the slightest twitch of my jaw is more than anything else I can bear. Can’t eat. Can’t talk. Can’t work! Spent most of last afternoon day-dreaming and on the piano instead. So wasteful! But at least I managed to complete a piece =D

Went to the doctor’s that evening. Bad news. There lies a fearful possibility of having to visit the DENTIST to get it removed. Distressed. I’m satisfied with my previous set of teeth. I thank you, but there isn’t really a need for an addition.

Saw Exorcism of Emily Rose (on a computer screen..!). I thought it’s one of those good films that could never make it to a blockbuster, sadly. Father Richard Moore lost the trial BUT was released somewhat a free man.. cos anything is possible. That facts allow no possibilites…

Morale of the story: Just sleep on, if you smell something smoky at 3.00am.

All I want for christmas… is you! ^_^

The class chalet had been fun..

How we chiong X-box together and the screen got split in four and our eyes gotta squint and over there in the other world it had become such a mess.. How I come to realise we’re made up of such a wide spectrum of bowlers–one who will walk from one lane to the other and drop the metal ball expecting it to get rolling, well, which it did, and those who made frequent strikes, and me who’s just an amatuer.. How I mistook black pepper sauce for honey.. How ‘my heart will not go on’ in our game of bridge.. How bluff became the no. 1 game and I , who turned to be the joker of the night–I’m almost certain it’d been the prank of the dwelling poltergeist who kept turning my cards and exposing my little lies!.. How the guys slept cramped together like sons of a poor family would’ve.. And how, of all, we got closer towards one another =)…

…I’d intended to complete as much of a current novel as I could but 10 pages was as far as I could reach before I too dozed off. XD

Perhaps it shouldn’t come into my agenda now. Perhaps, it was nothing more than a swift moment of infatuation. I try to convince myself it has to be, that the (alright..) green entry was posted so that “my heart will not go on”.

I believe in ‘痴心绝对’. For even beasts do. The lovely romance of the red crown cranes.. and many more. Perhaps if it has to be, it will be after A levels.

Christmas has always been the festive season I most anticipate. You know why? Because it’s the day Santa rides his sleigh and creeps down chimneys in his most secretive fashion to answer children’s wishes underneath the christmas tree! I choose to live in this tall tale. Life is a dreadful piece of shit. I very much like to have a time when this old ho-ho man will let me sit by his lap (I don’t seem ever too big for that) to tell him how well behaved I’ve been.

Dearest Santa,

Me has been a very good boy this year. Me hasn’t been naughty you know, Santa. You got to believe me, Santa!
But I’m sure you must have known this long before I told you, right Santa? Will you give me a christmas prezee this year, Santa?

With love,
Very good boy

(Stuck on you)

It’s been hard on XS, and tian cai especially for the chalet preparation. Hard like the frozen chunk of unmarinated pork in the freezer that wasn’t supposed to be there. Hah. So it had to be defrosted and a great deal of time was wasted, constructively?– TV.. piano.. PS.. com.. Then it began to pour and it’s back to the constructive ways of wasting time.

It’s only a message away, and I’ll be officially out of the slackers’ den. Mr Loo will be taking charge of Badminton from now. That’s a good thing. And I’m told I’ve been accepted. Congrats =D Hahz.

Ain’t sure when it all started. But it was times before the promos, I’m pretty confident. Then, the revelation could only be an add on, but, do you feel for me the way as I feel for you? Confession can’t be expressed, with the words you fired out, at whoever, and which I took to be me. Faith has been deteriorating. Doubts I can’t seek to clear. Perhaps you will tell me that the green thing wasn’t meant for me…

…I pray that I won’t have to go: It was you who made my blue eyes blue

For those suah koos (like me) who haven’t come across this article only till now, you should take a look, or, please do! Okie lah, it’s dated the year 2002. I lag can!? It’s super long, but hor, it’s see beh funny k! rofl. Have patience reading through and you sure will chio kah peng one..!

Just how amazing our paths will never cross. I had not been there, when you were. Now that you are coming, I’m leaving. Leaving for good. CC sucks.

Received an sms. A well wish in text, meaningless to the eyes, as it only serves as a medium for interpretation, but it was defintely comforting to a mind facing an uncertainty that could well be a merciless scorn–Yes, scorn, can anything be ever badder than that. You know, it hurts, or it would’ve hurt, those from her, or those from her for the supposed. If it should be true… I don’t know.
Sorry, but I haven’t got the mood to let you know of my appreciation for those forwarded words. But you shall know it anyway, here. Thank you, KaiLi.

Finally I’m done with The Sea. I have this stereotype of award winning novels to be lengthy, but this isn’t at all. In fact it’s really short. As I later come to learn for myself, it’s “so distilled and intense in its cumulative strength”. By no means can it be doubtful that John Banville, like so many others complimented, is a master of the English language; I could never do without the dictionary every few paragraphs. Lolz. The narration written so prose-like. Beautiful. The plot, I wouldn’t say it’s of an original. But still, it’s captivating enough.
I must confess though, that some parts, no matter how hard I tried to comprehend, just won’t make any sense at all. Haha. Perhaps I’m just not the literature type, after all. Overall, as New York Times puts it, yea: An emotional odyssey. Here’s one interesting review.

It wasn’t my first time out there in public whom passers-by will look out for in a distant and inch away as they approach in your direction, in a diagonal fashion, never straight, as I come to discover. It’s a job fit only for the thick skinned, if not, the desperate. I mean, come on, admit it, we all shun away from street side promoters don’t we? Those palm- flashings, smiles that never seemed more impatient to kick you out of sight. It isn’t a flag day issue this time round, but an activist, a volunteer activitist that is.. haha, trying to scan for potential free-time-givers. To ask people for their precious time is almost impossible task for us motivators, as they call it. Of course, there will be the one in a million who will be ever willing to pause their footings at your call and listen to you say your peace. Nice people they are. It’s all worth the effort I thought, when someone came up, patted on my shoulder and said, “you’re doing a good job”. That’s like, wow. Thanks, whoever that was, for making my day.

I’ve made aquitance with many, there at the givin tree. Thanks to the two from YJ for your company through that five ever-lasting hours. And those cute little malay ladies from NBSS too!

Tutoring program was to come the day after. It didn’t quite turn out the way I’d imagined–since when do things occur as expected. A female tutor whom I’ve had one encounter with on the dance floor during O2 came without a tutee and snatched one of mine and we ended up sharing a table. So how am I supposed to get ‘intimate’ with my boi boi!? Talking about this humpty dumpty, he’s real cute. I’d adopted the teach-less-learn-more concept on him too in order to get him prepared for a harsher learning route ahead, to nicely put it. I’m sure it will work. =D

“Am I at the right place?”

Not that I haven’t done anything like that previously. But it’s so unlike of me to be there, willingly, I mean. No this couldn’t have been incidental. I’m sure of that.

Jass was there too, surprised I was, cos it was so unlike of her, like me. Maybe she isn’t now. Well people do change. She seems to be doing real fine there, my former, that’s good to know =D
The song that was playing, yes, those flashbacks. Nice. Of course, and the mass dance!! It’s the coolest ever!!

The pair of eyes that kept peering in my direction, or it did I thought, I was so conscious of, whenever we’re executing those silly moves especially . It must have been some unlikely fantasy-turned reality. Tricks on the conscious. For I was, I do not deny, doing that thing I think you’re doing.
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The 3-day seminar at expo is over at last. It was really enriching, and what an adorable speaker he is!! I’ve certainly gained much insights from him, thanks to my parents for dragging me there on the first evening; I didn’t want to go initially.
There’s nothing wrong with the content though, but the sight of over ten thousand people–especially when your head emerges above the sea of humans so you get an unobstructed panoramic view–behaving so enthusiastically, almost seemingly submissive, to the extent as if having been brain washed, made me feel extremely uncomfortable. As for me, I’d choose to keep a secular mind.
Lastly, someone might want to suggest to the organisers that they scrap the complementary performances in future. They’re entertaining not even the slightest bit, okie.

It was probably with a streak of god gracious luck that comes once an eon. Good time it came. So I suppose that will be a fairly easy job on my part, in the days to come. Pitiful they, the two who were with me, they’ve gotten rascals to get them hot on their feet. They should soon feel the heat. Smirkz

Then I thought that god’s grace came with a price. Was it fate, that I’m not destined to meet with you every week, possibly as we should have if not for that spoiler, that sudden change, as I thought you would’ve desired otherwise, as I dreamily fantasized? I held my piece though we were near. Topics are aplenty then, as I come to think after that. But things become different, so different, as always, at the sight of you. I kept my cool, or cold, like what rumour, or fact, goes about that one’s admirer would tend to towards one. It was all pretence, you know… A show that didn’t seem at all appropriate, as always.

Somebody (from NYJC) asked: What’s your house (in NYJC)?

I answered: Griffin-dor

I must be thinking I’m some wiZ kid in Hogwarts– not that I’m very fond of Harry Potter though. And I thought that was real funny! Funnier even, when it came to mind that I had created such an awesome joke, only till in the midst of a bath. Can you picture how comical it is to have your hands working in your head-full of foam when suddenly you burst out laughing in no reasonable context which you should? HAHA what a joker.