It’s just me.

是男人就不能有示弱的一面吗？嗯！发个孩子气就必须算了。

我一定要爽快乐观的面对。。。去接受。这才像我以往所为。

说得对。故事都还没开始，哪来所谓的结局？也许一切都是我自作多情。。。也许只是一厢情愿。。。又可能，是付出的不够多吧。嗨。。。我就是那么个木头，不懂得主动，更不善于表达自己。但不管怎样，还是那句话。。。我曾对你的痴心和爱意绝对是真。

过去的记忆就让它成为过去。。。

有你做个同年同月同日生的自己何尝不是一种幸福。。。就不知我有没有这福分..?

今日谁知明天事？ 将来的造化，以后才来打算吧。

愿我们友谊万岁!

[To: none]

I’ve been thinking about the last entry, ever since I published it early this morning. Always, it was just some immediate thoughts running through that instant which I’d decided to express.. in my DIARY, at least. Sickly crap, if you may. I thought some of them are, too. It was supposed to go in the trash bin. But I don’t see the need now.

For goodness sake, I’m never trying to start a fight here, nor infringe on one’s right to think for oneself. But I stongly believe sneaky peeps who attempt to be smart and cynical and worse off, censuring, without first seeking a more definite point of scope.. really are a darn foul lot of unwise freaks. Again, I should stress that I’m not targeting on any single. Just.. I’ve been feeling strongly about this the day I was born.. only to be triggered writting this shit here by an insignificant spark I accidentally got my nose upon.

Some people just can’t seem to understand that the gift from nature for MAN to be expressive (not going off limits though) is.. well, for the sake of it’s purpose. It might sound a little gross here but the intimacy of which is dedicated to sprouting, sustaining, existing relationships is there all for a reason, more like “a nature”, and it’s the ultimate essential, whether you like it or not. Some people just don’t get it that “I love you, child” and all the hugs and kisses from your loving parents are no different from the excessive “I love you, dear (or honey, or sweety, or candy)” one may get and should not be dealt with in a different perception. Perhaps, sadly, they’ve been victims. But I hope they can eventually realise that a parental remark of love could only be as true as that from erm.. a lover, or a crush, for that matter. It is fundamentally one’s choice to ignore IT, undeniably, but never one’s right to censure and condemn.

On a seperate note, if ever one should souly stumble across friends who just come harvesting on your happy reaps, I’m afraid one is only misfortunate, because this is definitely not reality, not even dramatisation of reality. Really.

I just can’t help but be saddened for these people who (generally) lead such ignorant, pessimistic lives, because they don’t (know how to) cherish.

Hahaz.. do I sound very cynical myself? Well.. it was nothing but the truth.

On a final note, just read and forget about it. It’s insignificant, anyway.

“shi ni de jiu shi ni de; if reallie there’s fate between (you two) no matter how euu’ll eventualy still be together de”

She’s right. It’s destined.

There’s no point going on like this any longer. I think we’re better off just friends, if she may. Judging by the conversation, I don’t think so.

Sincerely, I really don’t wish to see our friendship being broken because of the past. Well, it’s all up to you.. yea.

[Don't worry, I'm not affected a bit.]

“no point luving sm1 wen she doen luv u rite?” Perhaps. 但我还是会守护着你…直到那一天, 我 的心已不再属于你.

Anyhow, I still like you to know that my feelings for you were the truest from deep down.

..I’ve loved you.

Block Test’s over. And I think I’ll screw it up big time.. if ever the theory of effort being proportional to results is true. Two weeks just go by like that, as I awaken to find; I was lost in thoughts. Just can’t seem to concentrate.. something must be very wrong with me.

It turned out that the whole class pounced on the media question for GP paper 1. Amazing isn’t it, the fact that we used the same points to argue for different stands. I think I attempted to try something funny.. and I should be paying dearly for it bah.. =X

Lights went dim suddenly in the midst of the math paper. It’s probably because of the invigilator’s itchy hands, and she can’t seem to fix it back. Anyways, it’s not as if itchy hands are out to cause and then solve the troubles it’s made. Okie, so everywhere was dark.. except for the message “Cheating is a serious offence” that was still flashing big and bright over the projector.. Lolz.

Finally, I should be wiped out for physics and chem as well.. oh well.
Anyway, it’s over. Time to relieve some stress. Went with Bin to the Serangoon swimming complex which is only three bus stops away on bus no.24. The pool was scarcely populated, since it’s a blazing noon. Yea.. we had a good time soaking under the sun, reliving the good old days when we had our swimming courses. Hahaz.. I’m relieved that I could still execute the butterfly stroke as well as before. It was my forte, after all.

Been feeling so detached..
all the ponderings and wonderings and contemplatings..
about what?..
really, I don’t know..
I’m so lost..
it feels so bad to trail behind the pace of reality..
If it is desirable to think about you any longer..
Am I capable of answering this myself?..
really, I don’t know..

深夜里，我走回家。。。

黑暗之中明亮的月光凡佛在人生的道路上导引着我。。。

心想，我不盼望成为你生命的需要。。。

就。。。只求做你天空的一颗星星，只要能默默的看守着你，确保你安全，幸福，快乐。。。

。。。这样应该就足够了吧。

This evening I had an intuition again. It’s some time in bugis, when the image of you with neck-length hair flashed by, among all other thoughts that were running through. But it’s really absurd. No connections what so ever. So I ignored it anyway.

Then you walked into the class and I had a shock of my life. Well… erm partly because you looked stunningly lovely. But it’s more the fact of how your new hairstyle had occurred to me earlier on… Nevermind.

Anyways. Happy B’Dae, Mom ^_^

~SpLiSh sPlAsH~

Last wednesday I had my chance of scouting girls at the cca bazaar with a telephoto lens, again! Lolz.. you know I’m just joking. But I was on duty though.. and was caught red handed by the subjectS while trying to get the really long lens right. HAIZ. The two were really sporting.. did a pose for me…. but just at the moment when I shied away.–> Makings of an outright loser.

Today’s the second session of the photog course. Had practical with a film cam. My god. It’s since the ice age when I switched to digital cams…

Hahaz and I was like an idiot walking up and down the alley that leads to the toilet, just to get a shot of the toilet auntie who was there to collect money from loo-ers. I think it’s a brilliant concept.. only if I’d gotten it right that is.

Then I was accussed of dian-ing a girl on the way back. Really, Jian Sheng, I didn’t know I’ve got eyes that jolts. I mean.. come on.. as if I’m that attractive enough. Oh please. But I think I did saw a rather gorgeous looking school girl glancing intently at me. Nah. I must be fantasizing too much. Wasn’t it just a peculiar glare at a guy who’s got a bad fashion sense.

Some days back, a melody struck me all of a sudden. So I set to penning it down on the piano. Intro’s out. And I’m pleased with it so far, just that I thought it sounded very familiar.. lolZ.

…I’m dedicating it to you.

On a final note, here’s thanking Marcus for having so much faith in me as to thrust his masterpiece of ‘unowned’ lyrics in my wildest imaginations. Rest assure I’ll give my best. Hope I won’t disappoint you =D

Yesterday’s 2hr+ dinner at Sakae was…erm nice.

Among the dishes we ordered were fried monkey (fried maki) and char siew bao (cha soba). Hahaz! Jeslin Jeslin..

I wouldn’t say it’s a spoiler of my mood in the middle of a happy meal. I’m just glad that I got to know the truth. The guys kept pushing. But really, is there even a chance to carry on..?

If my partner at the concert was you, would things have turned out to be what it is?

All these while, I thought I liked you. But I was wrong.. cos I like you even more than I know I did.

So many things I wish I could have the opportunity to explain…

…Just what’s the reason…

只有这样才能留住梦境
还看见我最爱的眼睛….

…醒了我都不会挣开眼睛
是怕泪水慢慢吞噬心情…

…原以为我们有了约定
就能够听见朋友祝福的声音…

…还来不及和你和你在一起
数着天空里坠落的星星…

…我紧闭双眼摒住呼吸
根本就不敢在夜里想你…

…我无法面对最后这个结局

请告诉我这并不是结局。。。好吗？

I go there for tuition on friday evenings and return only after the mall closes. Then I got to go there again for photog training on saturday mornings before it even starts business…

I’ll soon be sick of bugis anytime these days. Okies.

Anyways, bought a bag at Bugis Village. Thought it’s real kewl… BUT!…
And I also spent the last of three kinokuniya vouchers on Da Vinci Code. Sigh, but I just can’t spare the time to read lah.

Cheers to BYG crew for such a marvellous performance! Really well done. Lolz… most of the shots turned out pretty bad though, partly because flash was prohibited. They shoud’ve provided a wider wide angle lens…