It’s just me.

god willing, there’s a break from studio! i thot this sentence in the email was beautifully written, “We have a small pause like the time space between two musical notes making each clearer and more meaningful.” it’s meaning isn’t very welcoming though!

dealing with such unexpected generosity, it’s hard to resist the temptation of just spending time doing really unhelpful things.. like, oversleeping, missing tutorial -. then i’s fingering the piano.. watched a dvd.. slept more.. slacked even more. yeah i’ve always wished for a time like this, but then, well y’know, it’s like a fella on diet, who binged, then wished he’d killed himself before he could do that. that’s how i’m feeling. i wished i have all the time in the world, but life is so meaningless without something to work for.. and then when there’s an assignment which i’m obliged to do, i procrastinate.. and drag. and drag. wth! i hate myself for this.

back then in the place where stars are bombed, there never really were any expectations. i guess the fact that i’d landed in a pretty devastated state, i didn’t really dare to aspire.. not sure if this is the reason, but certainly it showed in many of us. but look where we are now, and where we will be.. with bright futures ahead. i’m so glad to hear from eileen and marlz that they’re doing well. the future is unpredictable.. tides change.. stories twist.. well, and people really do grow out of themselves, out of who they once were. there’s really no one way to go about life, as i was preached. that’s pretty optimistic to realise. rather i should be bold, dare to dream, and perhaps do whatever i think is right to do. a reminder to stay true to my goals and convictions.

i realise sketching is therapeutic..! =)

and i realise too, that i’ve a disorder. i could be lost in situations when i ought to be natural sometimes, almost all the time, that sometimes i really think something innately human in me is missing. like, there’s always this inertia? it’s always stopping me from stepping outside, naturally as an ordinary being should, such that, i’d feel misplaced in a world that doesn’t seem to belong to me… and then be lost. it’s such a strange dilemma. why?

anyways.. i hope you’re really doing great in your new group, sp.

the sun sets, and nite falls.. or is it morning already?