It’s just me.

some people never move on.. they still look the same, as if they time traveled from the past.

have we really moved on?

i’m suddenly reminded of T’s own response during a lecture when mr fong asked, “what is delightful space?”. “a delightful space is a space with a bed”. haha. totally hilarious.

but why does the life of an architect (-ure student) have to be so difficult? it’s so extreme that, i can’t really figure why. not that i’m complaining la.. tsk. anyways i’m glad studio for sem 1 has (almost) formally come to an end, although there’s really no such thing as an end to designing. i’ve witnessed enough sunrises in these few months than in my entire life before that. now the next phase of the battle has already begun. 3 more weeks, 3 more papers to go (and a marathon after that)!

it’s 4.11am, and i’m still up. who’s to blame? i’m not thinking right now. ‘ve long lost the ability to. sleep’s creeping in. the playlist’s running..

goddammit. i hate this. i really hate you right now.

god willing, there’s a break from studio! i thot this sentence in the email was beautifully written, “We have a small pause like the time space between two musical notes making each clearer and more meaningful.” it’s meaning isn’t very welcoming though!

dealing with such unexpected generosity, it’s hard to resist the temptation of just spending time doing really unhelpful things.. like, oversleeping, missing tutorial -. then i’s fingering the piano.. watched a dvd.. slept more.. slacked even more. yeah i’ve always wished for a time like this, but then, well y’know, it’s like a fella on diet, who binged, then wished he’d killed himself before he could do that. that’s how i’m feeling. i wished i have all the time in the world, but life is so meaningless without something to work for.. and then when there’s an assignment which i’m obliged to do, i procrastinate.. and drag. and drag. wth! i hate myself for this.

back then in the place where stars are bombed, there never really were any expectations. i guess the fact that i’d landed in a pretty devastated state, i didn’t really dare to aspire.. not sure if this is the reason, but certainly it showed in many of us. but look where we are now, and where we will be.. with bright futures ahead. i’m so glad to hear from eileen and marlz that they’re doing well. the future is unpredictable.. tides change.. stories twist.. well, and people really do grow out of themselves, out of who they once were. there’s really no one way to go about life, as i was preached. that’s pretty optimistic to realise. rather i should be bold, dare to dream, and perhaps do whatever i think is right to do. a reminder to stay true to my goals and convictions.

i realise sketching is therapeutic..! =)

and i realise too, that i’ve a disorder. i could be lost in situations when i ought to be natural sometimes, almost all the time, that sometimes i really think something innately human in me is missing. like, there’s always this inertia? it’s always stopping me from stepping outside, naturally as an ordinary being should, such that, i’d feel misplaced in a world that doesn’t seem to belong to me… and then be lost. it’s such a strange dilemma. why?

anyways.. i hope you’re really doing great in your new group, sp.

the sun sets, and nite falls.. or is it morning already?

friday nite, graveyard, bad mix, and a virgin encounter. nite out partying before they leave for india. graveyard was a potent blend. 3 shots of the impossibly gross tequila with iced lemon tea would virtually bring any conscious being to its knees, and puking. on the dance floor, the lass was really proactive, period. and that’s before i K.O.ed. at 4, puking fit stopped. got wasted under the void deck at ZY’s place there after. back at his place, i had a weird dream.. hah.

and so that’s how recess began.. SIGH. gotta be back in school in a couple more hours. why am i dreading?? ‘m blogging to a S.E.N.S’ track playing on air right now. so emo.

i’m so slack already. haven’t been very productive during the break.. thanks to the flu. (oh  mann, another S.E.N.S. track playing??) oh well, at least i’ve rested. but.. recharged? nobody looks forward to work.. except for workaholics, which are quite substantially represented in archi.

they say it’s architorture. and i’d like to think then, that i’m quite a masochist, in this sense. it’s really satisfying to look back at what i’ve achieved, really. just, not that fun, when you’re in the middle of endless ordeal. lol. times of joy will never be enough. a secret wish for it is just a daydream. so i jolly well wake up. hurhur… come on, smile!

recess is here! i can finally sleep without guilt. first half of sem 1 is over. and it’d passed like a whirlwind.

today’s crit.. don’t know what to make of it. the tutors were impressed with the models, but confused. guess will need to speak with jiatser sometime soon.

anyhows, ‘m celebrating a much needed time off from studio assignments with a cornetto mcflurry, NOW

if loneliness is just a crime?? i don’t know…

home sweet home! i’d incredibly spent the last 3 nites in studio. then on the 2nd nite, it came really the greatest dilemma: do it well do it good, and get selected for the competition. or, just breeze through and then i’d get to go home and HIBERNATE.  but i wished for both =S well.. so the product  of the first 2 nites eventually meant that i’d to stay up AGAIN. quite dangerously my system had already been force-shutting itself down. i really wonder how i’ve managed to be up till now. anyways, my lantern is up at chinatown point! proud proud proud.. hah. the profs pointed out that it kinda resembles the monument to the third international by tatlin.. totally unintended, and totally clueless of what they were mentioning.. -.

i realise i’m having no life.

school life’s been hectic.. trying to rush submissions. and then more submissions. already i haven’t slept in 43 hours as of now, and it’s only week 3 of 5 years. i still don’t really know what i’m making of it. still caught in the whirlwind of The exciting archi life.. can’t seem to find my feet yet. the scale of our work doesn’t seem impossible back in studio when camping overnight’s such a part of life.. until people outside gotta know then i realise it’s actually pretty horrific. hah.

now assignment 04: